Solar Events

Funny Sun - Solar Jokes

NASA, Full Of Bright People

Three men were in a NASA conference room to decide how to spend $10 billion.
“I think we should put our men on Mars!” said the first man.
“Ooh, good idea,” said the other two.
“I think we should put our men on Venus!” said the second man.
“Ooh, good idea,” said the other two.
“I think we should put our men on the Sun!”
“How are you going to do that?”
“Easy. We go at night.”

Topless Sunbather

A woman was staying at a hotel and she decided to go sunbathing on the hotel roof. When she laid down to sun her back, her bikini top fell off. She didn’t care so much, though, because nobody ever came up to the roof anyway. Which is why she was surprised when she heard footsteps. It was the Maitre’D from the restaurant.
“Ma’am,” he said, “we were all wondering if you could put your top back on.”
“Why? I’m not disturbing anybody.”
“Ma’am. You’re on the skylight.”

Windows 666

Bill Gates dies, and ascends to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God immediately recognizes him and says to him “Bill Gates — you’re a great man. I shall give you a choice of either heaven or hell.” Bill Gates tells God that he would like to see both before making a decision.
So God takes Bill Gates down to Hell, where there are beautiful, nubile bikini models, perfect weather, free drinks, and eternal happiness. “That doesn’t seem so bad,” says Gates. “Let’s see Heaven now.” God and Gates go to Heaven, which seems to be just a bunch of old, crusty angels flying around and sitting on a few clouds. “I’ve made my decision,” says Gates. “I choose Hell.”
Six months later, God goes down to Hell to check on him and finds him hanging above a pit of fire with wild harpies tearing out his intestines. “What happened to all the bikini models and the sun and the fun?” Gates screams.
“Oh, that,” says God. “That was just the demo.”

Oneliners

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.

You Know You’re In Alaska When…
. . . you have to put your sun visor down at 3:00 a.m

Did you hear about the blonde that stayed up all night to see wherethe sun went?
It finally dawned on her.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

A genuine tragedy

(11 August 1999) A 42-year-old man killed himself watching the eclipse while driving near Kaiserslautern, Germany. A witness driving behind him stated that the man was weaving back and forth as he concentrated on the partially occluded sun, when he suddenly accelerated and hit the bridge pier. He had apparently just donned his solar viewers, which are dark enough to totally obscure everything except the sun.

Cross wife

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?” He replied, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.